Hey Baby Bun..

Hey Baby Bun...

No, this isn't my scheduled update. And no, I'm not sure how many people will actually read this. But I felt the need to write to you, who cares if it is a Thursday and not time for my weekly update.

I'm having an overwhelming, emotional connection to you today little one. It's such a crazy feeling. As I'm typing this (while working of course) I want to cry (but again, at the office, got to hold it back). Not a sad cry. But a happy cry.

Since I found out I was having you, I've been overwhelmed. I've thought about your nursery, your name, your clothes, everything. I've thought about where you'll sleep the first few months and how we'll break your big sister, Roxy from sleeping in our bed.

But today, I stopped and thought about YOU. About the first time you'll look me in the eyes. The first time you'll hold my finger. The first time we'll get to bond through nursing. Hearing your little cry, and touching your tiny little feet. Baby, it's going to be wonderful.

Your Mommy  is a planner. Ask anyone who knows me. I plan for everything. I make lists, spreadsheets, journals, anything to make me feel like I'm accomplishing something. I go through post-it notes and notepads faster than anyone I've ever met. People always laugh and remind me that once I have you, my lists, plans, everything will change. It'll be about you and what you want. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm still positive that I'll be one of those schedule parents because really, I need a schedule. I don't function well without one. But I know we won't always stick to it, and that's okay too.

I promise, if you hear Mommy stressing every once in awhile (especially while I'm pregnant with you) I'm very sorry, and the stress doesn't last long. Because Mommy is a planner, I stress when things don't go the way I thought they would. And this pregnant thing is new to me. I've never done this before. So it's an adjustment for me. But man Baby, you're worth it. I promise to work on that and I promise to try to be a calm mom, just for you. I can't guarantee it, but I'll try.

I'm already planning for the day of your arrival. I think about it, picture it, dream it. I have a plan, and if others don't like my plan, they will have to deal with it. Because that day is about us. It's about Daddy, Mommy, and You becoming a little family. I have to do what's best for us, and since Mommy is actually going to have you, I get to decide how we're going to do it. No matter what. I want what's best for you.

I am enjoying carrying you and growing you right now. It's fun. It's an amazing bond and I'm blessed to experience this.

I love you so much already. My heart is full of love for you baby. I get lost in thought multiple times a day touching my belly and thinking about you. No matter what, I am going to love you kid.

And for that, I just want to cry.

Well baby, Mommy has to do some work. But I wanted to make sure you knew that you have become my world, a thought and feeling I never knew I would experience.

Lots and lots of love from Mommy.